Do you have a relative who is a substance abuser?
People who live close to somebody with a substance abuse problem often get caught up in the strong destructive feelings and actions that substance abuse involves. It causes worry, stress and anxiety. As a relative you can develop co-dependency behaviour.
Friends and families of alcoholics or drug addicts can be affected in different ways. The expression of co-depedency can be very different for different individuals. Our situations and life circumstances can be different - maybe the relative is your child, your parent or another member of your close family. Maybe you are living with a substance abuser, it can be your husband or wife, or it can be somebody you are working with daily or a close friend of yours. The relationship could be new or maybe you have lived with the substance abuser all your life. Maybe he or she is the father or mother to your children.
In almost every society problems with alcohol is the most common, but there is all kinds of abuse: narcotics, medicines, games, food, sex and so on. The consequences for the relatives is almost the same, regardless the substance.
We all have in common that we are related to somebody with a substance abuse problem. I can assure you, you are not alone!
There are millions of people in this world who are living close to and being affected by the destructive power of substance abuse. But we don’t talk about it. We often feel shame for something somebody else is doing. Therefore we believe that we are alone. But you are not. We are many!
What is co-dependency?
As a relative it is possible to develop different co-dependency behaviours. One way to explain co-dependency is that it is a dependency on another human who has a destructive substance abuse problem of some sort. In the same way that the addict is addicted to the drug, the co-dependent is dependent upon that person.
A person with co-dependency behaviour is totally fixated on knowing about the dependent´s wellbeing, illness, and what that person does and thinks. Co-dependents allow themselves to be controlled by the addict’s emotions and behaviour. Co-dependency can develop into emotional insecurity. The emotions of the co-dependent are closely linked to the feelings of the addict - so much so that they can lose contact with themselves.
